May 12, 2008 2:36

Deleted Scenes From Iron Man

INT. TONY STARK'S LIMO - DAY

TONY STARK: Pull over... right here.
DRIVER: Where?
TONY STARK: At Burger King.
DRIVER: Are you serious?
TONY STARK: Didn't you hear me say the first thing I wanted after being tortured in the desert by terrorists for three months was a real American cheeseburger?
DRIVER: Yeah, sure... but Burger King?
TONY STARK: Yes.
DRIVER: Let me get this straight. You kept your heart beating with a car battery while risking your life to build a suit of armor with a built-in flame-thrower... so you could eat at Burger King.
TONY STARK: Yes. In fact, I got the idea for the flame-thrower while thinking about Burger King's great flame-broiled taste.
DRIVER: But there's an In-N-Out Burger just a few blocks away.
TONY STARK: I want Burger King.
DRIVER: Now that you're back, is the first car you're gonna drive a Chevy Malibu?
TONY STARK: What?
DRIVER: Well, that's like the Burger King of cars.
TONY STARK: Just order the cheeseburger.
DRIVER: Is the first girl you're going to sleep with Carnie Wilson?
TONY STARK: Order it!
BURGER KING EMPLOYEE: (OVER SPEAKER) Welcome to Burger King, may I take your order?
DRIVER: My boss, the smartest, richest, coolest man in the world, who can eat literally anything he wants, has chosen, as his first meal after being a held hostage by madmen in a cave in Afghanistan, a Burger King cheeseburger.
BURGER KING EMPLOYEE: (OVER SPEAKER) Is the first girl he's going to sleep with Carnie Wilson?
_________________________________________________________________

EXT. SKY OVER LOS ANGELES - NIGHT

Iron Man performs amazing aerial stunts.

IRON MAN: Jarvis, I'm starving. I'm stopping at that Burger King down there for a cheeseburger.
JARVIS: No need sir. Knowing your predilection for great American cheeseburgers, I've taken the liberty of opening a microscopic Burger King franchise inside your armor. As we speak, millions of nano-cheeseburgers are being injected into your bloodstream.
IRON MAN: Amazing. Can I get a chocolate shake?
JARVIS: Deploying milkshake enema now.
_________________________________________________________________

EXT. STARK ENTERPRISES - ROOF - NIGHT

Iron Man faces off against Iron Monger.

IRON MONGER: Isn't it ironic, that a man who loves Burger King cheeseburgers... is being killed by a man who loves cheeseburgers that aren't terrible?
IRON MAN: Damn you Obadiah Stane!
_________________________________________________________________

AFTER CREDITS SEQUENCE

Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) approaches Tony Stark.

NICK FURY: I'm here to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative.
TONY STARK: The Avengers Initiative? What's that?
NICK FURY: Burger King.

May 9, 2008 3:28

Rapture: The Ride

Bioshock is going to be a movie, apparently. Gore Verbinski (who did The Ring and the Pirates of the Caribbean movies) is supposed to direct. Roll saving throw vs. Hollywood soullessness. Wonder how casting will play out -- I always thought Atlas sounded like Ewan Macgregor. And I'm looking forward to Keira Knightley saying, "I'm so spliced up! No man is going to want me now..."

May 9, 2008 3:12

The First Seven Minutes of Speed Racer

They're below. In theory anyway. The Yahoomatic streaming looks pretty wonky.

This movie is turning out to be extremely divisive -- I'm seeing pans and raves all over the mediaverse. Personally I loved it and walked out of the screening thinking I'd seen a monster hit. Anybody else seen it?

May 8, 2008 4:02

The Day the Steampunk Died

Mostly today I'm trying to avoid listening to bad buzz about Indy 4lalalalalalalalala I can't hear you.

I'm doing this while also trying to avoid looking at this piece in the New York Times Style section about steampunk fashion. Not that there isn't a lot of useful information in there, but I do miss the days when steampunk was a subgenre of science fiction and one could enjoy it without the risk of being cool. (And I'm sorry, but nobody ever watches the movie of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen for any reason, steampunky or otherwise.)

I'll try to calm down by watching the undulating clockwork of the Analytical Engine:

On an unrelated note: id Software is making Doom 4. A lot of people were down on Doom 3, which I had a hard time understanding, because, you know, shooting monsters. Though one is of course more interested in the id's intriguingly non-id-like Rage, due out later this year? I hope? Judging from this trailer it's more punk than steam:

May 7, 2008 6:27

Iron Sky: This is What the Internet Is For

I'm glad somebody figured it out, because a lot of people were starting to wonder. I've always liked the crew that did Star Wreck. Now they've done something else: Iron Sky. Not a Star Trek job, not a parody, this is original IP. The premise appears to be that Nazis conquered the moon in 1945; now (meaning 2018) they're going to come back to Earth.

Those crazy, open-source loving Finns have apparently drummed up a budget of $5 million. The whole scene reminds me oddly of the premise of Bioshock: a mid-20th century culture preserves in a bizarre dystopian bubble.