December 21, 2007 12:01
PERSON OF THE YEAR: Q &A -- Vladimir Putin Answers 10 Questions About Harry Potter
In his interview with TIME, the Russian President reveals a few more secrets, answering the same questions asked to Person of the Year runner-up J.K. Rowling
1. Why doesn't Fred appear in the woods at the end as well?
There are snipers in the woods. Do not stray from the Dacha, it is very dangerous. I cannot protect you outside the Dacha.
2. Did Harry die?
Many people, including journalists, are tempted to make a little bit more money here and there, which means they get involved with entrepreneurs, sometimes with criminal businessmen. If this "Harry" became involved with such people, death is a possibility.
3. What was that creature in the corner at King's Cross?
Perhaps it was NATO, a putrid corpse of the Cold War.
4. What was Dumbledore's wand made of?
Polonium 210... I mean, how would I know? That wand had nothing to do with the radiation poisoning of Alexander Litvinenko, if that is what you are implying.
5. What did Dumbledore really see in the Mirror of Erised?
Well, Dumbledore is a well-known гомосексуально. If he were to look into a mirror which reflected his strongest desire... BOISHE MOI!!!
6. Where do wizard children go to school before Hogwarts?
Hogwarts is a Western institution, one which purposefully creates a negative image of Russia in an attempt to influence our internal and foreign policies. I prefer Durmstrang.
7. Are Harry and Voldemort related?
In America, I saw a message on the bumper of an automobile declaring a political alliance between Cheney and Voldemort. Russia has no intention of joining such military-political blocs because that would be tantamount to restricting its sovereignty.
8. Who does Draco Malfoy marry?
I would like to take the time here to address alleged similarities between myself and a small man by the name of Dobby. This is absurd. I wear tailored suits. Dobby wears a sack, with a filthy sock for a hat.
9. Where do the main characters work as adults?
To continue, Vladimir Putin is the President of Russia. Dobby House Elf is the leader of a group of dirty, subjugated, ugly peasants. There is no similarity between us. Other than the height thing.
10. Was Teddy Lupin a werewolf?
Absolutely not. Teddy Lupin is a Metamorphmagus, as is Tonks. Many do not know this, but Tonks is a Hufflepuff. I have great admiration for Tonks. (An aide whispers something to Putin. He is visibly upset.) What? Dead? No! It cannot be! Not Tonks -- not my Nymphadora! Not Vladdy's Nymphy! Tonks! TONKS!!!
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Lev Grossman blogs about anything and everything that could be plausibly labeled geeky--science fiction, fantasy, video games, comic books, tech stuff, and so on. If it could get you beaten up in junior high, it's fair game. About the Author
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Reader Comments (23)
Dude, you must be bored!
Posted by nick | December 21, 2007 12:56 PM
brilliant!
Now do JK Rowling pretending to be Al Gore...
Posted by el ganador | December 21, 2007 1:33 PM
That made me laugh.
Posted by evilclown | December 21, 2007 2:58 PM
very well done, i have to say that is the most original i've seen all year. i agree, now do J.K as Al Gore
Posted by wendy fender | December 22, 2007 6:29 PM
is it a tipical democratic"s humor? and this man works in this respected magazine... very stupid. it isn"t intresting.
if you don"t believe in democracy, than we are flying to you /Bush/
Posted by Russian | December 23, 2007 12:36 PM
OMG))) I can't imagine Putin answering like this /like Bush in our jokes/ but it's funny))
Posted by Russian Girl | December 23, 2007 5:07 PM
you, guys, are idiots. How did you get your degrees? What did you have to read in college to graduate - "H. Potter"?
Posted by Jamie | December 23, 2007 10:04 PM
F'ing brilliant. LOL!
Posted by Mark | December 24, 2007 8:05 AM
Ha.Ha! I like it :).
Posted by Matthäus | December 24, 2007 2:36 PM
Vladimir Putin makes President George W. Bush a big hero.
Posted by Carlos | December 24, 2007 4:50 PM
Hey Jamie - if you're going to insult someone's intelligence or education, you should probably use proper grammar.
And Russian: lighten up.
Posted by Dave | December 25, 2007 12:53 PM
A waste of print from an otherwise respectable news organization.
Posted by Dr. Christopher | December 25, 2007 1:06 PM
to Dave
I can speak & understand English. and you? Can you speak russian?
титька тараканья ты и жопа с ручкой. translate this to yourself.
Posted by Russian | December 25, 2007 2:54 PM
Hahahahahahaha....
Merry Christmas, thanks for making me laugh. :)
Posted by Ari | December 25, 2007 5:35 PM
...he's merely playing around and being humorous. On his /blog/. It's not even in the magazine.
Yeesh.
Posted by Susan | December 26, 2007 8:46 PM
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
suka Бляяяяяяяяяяяяяяяя, вы чё на по ебалу хотите?
Posted by Boxer | December 26, 2007 10:35 PM
Hi dute глупышки! Im so respect you идиоты wich every day fightin for democracy убивая прямо или косвенно сотни мирных людей. сновым годом пи.сы ху.вы! Good luck !
Posted by bear from sibear | December 27, 2007 11:20 AM
@ Russian.
Sorry, you must have misunderstood. I was pointing out Jamie's mis-use of the English language, not your's. I was saying you took what is just a silly post a little too seriously. And then you (presumably) swore at me for no reason. I'm guessing you're...20? 25? As I said, lighten up.
That "lighten up" goes to everyone. I think we all need to be more conscious of the line dividing Time Magazine and this blog. The two certainly have a connection, but they are not one and the same. We're all okay when Lev or Matt posts about some movie debuting, or some Simpsons episode, so why does this post cross the line? Lighten up.
Posted by Dave | December 27, 2007 2:45 PM
You are killin me here LOL thanks for the fun.
Posted by ipisking | December 28, 2007 5:02 AM
I don't understand why the fascination about J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter. It's insanity!
Posted by Takeoffzone | December 28, 2007 1:16 PM
Russia is see articles and see the TV's from America. Fortunately we are always know your views on Russia and thets why Russian people are disagree with you. American magazins everyone problem adressed to Russia like country who everytime is wrong & danger. You have so much stereotypes and you are really dont understand Russians!
Posted by preved | December 29, 2007 6:28 AM
Well I cracked up when I read this...and then I read the comments and cracked up again. Good night. Great job! hahahahahaha
Posted by ann | December 29, 2007 7:25 AM
Official Kremlin web site has a few more questions that Time did not publish. They are also interesting
QUESTION: ...
I want to start with the first question. You were born in 1946 – I was born in 1948. We belong to the same generation. .....
VLADIMIR PUTIN: If you will allow me, I will correct you a little bit on certain dates. I could not have been born in 1946 because at that time my father was suffering from the wartime wounds and my mother survived the Leningrad blockade. After they had lost two children and their health it was unlikely that they could have thought of having another child right away. And I think it is for that reason that I was born a little later, in 1952. ...
QUESTION: Can we talk a little about your relations today with Mr Yeltsin and Mr Gorbachev?
VLADIMIR PUTIN: Mr Yeltsin passed away, as you know.
http://kremlin.ru/eng/speeches/2007/12/19/1618_type82916_154779.shtml
Posted by preved2 | December 30, 2007 8:07 PM