May 15, 2008 3:24
In the Future We Will All Be Made Fun of on 4chan for 15 Minutes
Shockin' bloggin' performance by yrs truly lately. Many apologies. I blame Canada, where I currently am. I came here to speak at a conference, something that I understand many people do frequently; I was doing it basically for the first time. When you go up on stage they clip a wireless mike on you and give you a little gadget that you click to advance your Powerpoint slides, and which doubles as a laser pointer. It's like being a cyborg. Then hundreds of people look at you and are forced to listen to what you say for an hour, without interrupting, so it's basically like being a cyborg dictator. Which is pretty fun after the first 15 minutes, which is how long it takes me to get over my crippling stage fright.
I was going on after Chris Anderson, editor of Wired, who is very smart and has probably done this 90,000 times. I did not look so slick following him. (Also, it turned out my Powerpoint clicker was not a true remote, it just turned on a light that signaled the guy in the AV booth that it was time to advance my slides. Disappointing.)
I mostly talked about memes and how they behave online. Basically I showed them the trailer for Star Wreck, then I explained what lolcats and Rickrolling are, told them all to go to 4chan, which is just about the most fertile breeding ground for memes that there is anywhere, and bolted for the airport. If they go to 4chan they'll definitely learn something. Though maybe not about memes.
May 12, 2008 2:36
Deleted Scenes From Iron Man
INT. TONY STARK'S LIMO - DAY
TONY STARK: Pull over... right here.
DRIVER: Where?
TONY STARK: At Burger King.
DRIVER: Are you serious?
TONY STARK: Didn't you hear me say the first thing I wanted after being tortured in the desert by terrorists for three months was a real American cheeseburger?
DRIVER: Yeah, sure... but Burger King?
TONY STARK: Yes.
DRIVER: Let me get this straight. You kept your heart beating with a car battery while risking your life to build a suit of armor with a built-in flame-thrower... so you could eat at Burger King.
TONY STARK: Yes. In fact, I got the idea for the flame-thrower while thinking about Burger King's great flame-broiled taste.
DRIVER: But there's an In-N-Out Burger just a few blocks away.
TONY STARK: I want Burger King.
DRIVER: Now that you're back, is the first car you're gonna drive a Chevy Malibu?
TONY STARK: What?
DRIVER: Well, that's like the Burger King of cars.
TONY STARK: Just order the cheeseburger.
DRIVER: Is the first girl you're going to sleep with Carnie Wilson?
TONY STARK: Order it!
BURGER KING EMPLOYEE: (OVER SPEAKER) Welcome to Burger King, may I take your order?
DRIVER: My boss, the smartest, richest, coolest man in the world, who can eat literally anything he wants, has chosen, as his first meal after being a held hostage by madmen in a cave in Afghanistan, a Burger King cheeseburger.
BURGER KING EMPLOYEE: (OVER SPEAKER) Is the first girl he's going to sleep with Carnie Wilson?
_________________________________________________________________
EXT. SKY OVER LOS ANGELES - NIGHT
Iron Man performs amazing aerial stunts.
IRON MAN: Jarvis, I'm starving. I'm stopping at that Burger King down there for a cheeseburger.
JARVIS: No need sir. Knowing your predilection for great American cheeseburgers, I've taken the liberty of opening a microscopic Burger King franchise inside your armor. As we speak, millions of nano-cheeseburgers are being injected into your bloodstream.
IRON MAN: Amazing. Can I get a chocolate shake?
JARVIS: Deploying milkshake enema now.
_________________________________________________________________
EXT. STARK ENTERPRISES - ROOF - NIGHT
Iron Man faces off against Iron Monger.
IRON MONGER: Isn't it ironic, that a man who loves Burger King cheeseburgers... is being killed by a man who loves cheeseburgers that aren't terrible?
IRON MAN: Damn you Obadiah Stane!
_________________________________________________________________
AFTER CREDITS SEQUENCE
Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) approaches Tony Stark.
NICK FURY: I'm here to talk to you about the Avengers Initiative.
TONY STARK: The Avengers Initiative? What's that?
NICK FURY: Burger King.
May 9, 2008 3:28
Rapture: The Ride
Bioshock is going to be a movie, apparently. Gore Verbinski (who did The Ring and the Pirates of the Caribbean movies) is supposed to direct. Roll saving throw vs. Hollywood soullessness. Wonder how casting will play out -- I always thought Atlas sounded like Ewan Macgregor. And I'm looking forward to Keira Knightley saying, "I'm so spliced up! No man is going to want me now..."
May 9, 2008 3:12
The First Seven Minutes of Speed Racer
They're below. In theory anyway. The Yahoomatic streaming looks pretty wonky.
This movie is turning out to be extremely divisive -- I'm seeing pans and raves all over the mediaverse. Personally I loved it and walked out of the screening thinking I'd seen a monster hit. Anybody else seen it?
May 8, 2008 4:02
The Day the Steampunk Died
Mostly today I'm trying to avoid listening to bad buzz about Indy 4lalalalalalalalala I can't hear you.
I'm doing this while also trying to avoid looking at this piece in the New York Times Style section about steampunk fashion. Not that there isn't a lot of useful information in there, but I do miss the days when steampunk was a subgenre of science fiction and one could enjoy it without the risk of being cool. (And I'm sorry, but nobody ever watches the movie of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen for any reason, steampunky or otherwise.)
I'll try to calm down by watching the undulating clockwork of the Analytical Engine:
On an unrelated note: id Software is making Doom 4. A lot of people were down on Doom 3, which I had a hard time understanding, because, you know, shooting monsters. Though one is of course more interested in the id's intriguingly non-id-like Rage, due out later this year? I hope? Judging from this trailer it's more punk than steam:
May 7, 2008 6:27
Iron Sky: This is What the Internet Is For
I'm glad somebody figured it out, because a lot of people were starting to wonder. I've always liked the crew that did Star Wreck. Now they've done something else: Iron Sky. Not a Star Trek job, not a parody, this is original IP. The premise appears to be that Nazis conquered the moon in 1945; now (meaning 2018) they're going to come back to Earth.
Those crazy, open-source loving Finns have apparently drummed up a budget of $5 million. The whole scene reminds me oddly of the premise of Bioshock: a mid-20th century culture preserves in a bizarre dystopian bubble.
May 1, 2008 12:07
I'm Starting to Get the Point of That Hulk Movie
There's a new trailer out for the rebooted Ed Norton version of The Hulk that opens June 13th. It's here.
I think I'm finally getting the point of this movie. It's about a sensitive guy who can't control his super-strong radioactive alter ego. That's it. There's nothing else. Norton and this director, Louis Leterrier (the auteur of, wait for it, Transporter 2), have set out to raise this franchise from disaster to mediocrity. And they just...might...do it!
But seriously, I will go see this. I always like watching Norton on screen, if only because he looks like an actual nerd and doesn't tend to over-act. And you gotta love that old school Hulk TV show music.
In other news, Harry Potter has dropped off the bestseller lists for the first time in 10 years.
About Nerd World
Lev Grossman
Lev Grossman blogs about anything and everything that could be plausibly labeled geeky--science fiction, fantasy, video games, comic books, tech stuff, and so on. If it could get you beaten up in junior high, it's fair game. About the Author
Matt Selman
Matt Selman has worked on eleven seasons and over two hundred episodes of The Simpsons. He currently serves as an Executive Producer. About the Author
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