I Don't Really Hate My Dog

No, but I do hate my dog! Most of the time. He's a 9 month old golden labrador retriever who chews everything in sight. He is doing my head in! But my children love him when he is not pushing them over and eating their toys. And my husband loves him becasue when no one will talk to him in the house, he takes the dog for a walk. So, I'm stuck with the dog.

Well, howabout a cute half-paralyzed bengal cat who drags her poopy butt over our carpet and anything that gets in the way. I never could have believed I would tolerate anything so horrific. My partner and I have gotten to work, only to discover Scooter crap on our clothes. She actually peed on my canvas bag and I was mortified at how my cubicle emanated cat piss all day! She has actually gotten crap on papers on our kitchen table! Yet, if I dare speak the unspeakable (of putting her out of her misery) the two kids threaten to never speak to me again!

With such a cute girL, if I were in your place I would do the same things:)
But from the photo it seems that there is a close-friendship and understanding between you daughter and your dog:)

I have two dogs, both mixed breeds, one 11 years old and one eight years. My nine month old has decided that the dogs are his own personal playthings. I've been amazed at the patience and tolerance the dogs have shown him since he has become mobile. Before the crawling stage, the dogs pretty much ignored him. Now they keep constant vigil to make sure that he doesn't go where he shouldn't and that he doesn't sneak up on them. The dogs are overall very good with him, but picking up my kid's teething rings to find them covered in dog hair (and picking dog hair out of his mouth) makes me want to make them outside dogs.

But just as we were nearing that decision, my son (in one weekend) busted out with his first words "Dada" and "Mama," followed shortly by "doggie." The dogs come to him when he calls "doggie," which has now become his favorite word. We hear it more often than "Mama" or "Dada," regardless of how enthusiastic our response.

I know how you feel, dogs are a pain in the butt sometimes, and they certainly don't replace children...but there is definitely a place for them in the family.

"But he does annoy the crap out of me sometimes. I suppose I overlooked a lot of his neuroses before I had a child, but now I simply don't have the time or the patience. Sometimes when I get home from work to find a giant dog dump on the kitchen floor, it's that one last straw after a long, hard day, you know what I'm saying?"

It seems to me that the problem isn't the dog, but the owner. Your dog doesn't understand why your behavior has changed towards him and as an irresponsible pet owner, you blame him for that change in behavior. How do you expect him to react? How would your child react if her mom stopped loving her as she had at one time?
Too many pet owners don't think of their pets as a life long companion and friend. They lavish love and affection at first, but when they don't have "THE TIME OR THE PATIENCE" anymore, they blame the dog. Perhaps you should have given thought to the amount of time and patience it would take to care for an animal before you got one.

I applaude your for your clarification. He is your dog. No one has the right to threaten or attempt to take him from you. From the photograph he is well cared for and your daughter loves him very much. After 11 years of being YOUR DOG you know him best. I have three bassets, yes there are days when I call them pests, but they know I still love them and will always be there for them. You sound to me to be a normal dog owner -- we all have long days. We all need to vent.

I loved your essay, but as soon as I finished it I knew you'd receive tons of hate mail, most of it comparing human and animal needs. Oh, and I bet there's lots of cursing, right?

I have 2 cats, and before I had kids I didn't mind the 2 am yowling or the constant vacuuming or the urine smell in the basement. Ok, I always minded that last one.

It's true, the cats haven't changed, just my tolerance for being woken up at 2 am when I knew I'd be getting up again at 5 to feed my baby. I don't blame the cats, and I don't think they even notice the change in my attitude toward them. They're cats. They sleep all day, wake up only to lick themselves and eat, and then sleep all night. They never paid attention to me before I had kids and they don't pay attention to me now.

I just wish they would hit the litter box all the time.

My husband and I appreciate your honesty but we are also saddened to read of your experience with your basset. We are owned by one who is well trained, well loved, and well exercised so we do not share your problems. They are smart, sweet, loveable and loyal. I just hope your daughter receives more attention and life training and less spoiling than the basset received from you. When he is gone I am sure you will realize the love he has for you is unconditional and only then will you understand the love you so easily dismiss. Don't be surprised if after he has passed you hear the clicking of his nails following behind you. Your world now excludes him from your love but not so for him. Stay safe and may your relationships grow to accomondate all in your life.

Hoover is beautiful and I commend you for your commitment to him, no matter what he does. I operate a non-profit retirement home for senior basset hounds, the ones that people with a lesser sense of responsibility dump off in shelters or the side of the road because they've become too inconvenient, too expensive, or they just want to upgrade to a newer model. I can tell Hoover is one of the lucky ones.
House of Puddles, Inc.
www.houseofpuddles.org

I'll trump your 11-year old dog with four cats of advanced years and 3 cases of menopause (I have one male cat). Yeah you got hate mail and I can understand why. Don't agree with people being that judgemental or lacking in a sense of humor, but that's humanity these days.

I live with a brood that hits the litterbox on the odd days, spreads dry food throughout the house, shreds my shower curtains faster than I can replace them, awaken me at just about any time they please, pee on my bed (my male cat's preferred method of "dissing" me), and generally make me crazy because it's their job and they take pride in doing it well.

No, my cats do not get ALL of the attention they feel and I feel they deserve, but I do try to attend to their needs to the best of my ability. I suspect you do the same for your dog. However, remember that pets are not a convenience so don't expect their behavior to accommodate your needs. I've been there and done that. I still have four cats, they set the rules we all live by. I've learned to adjust... so will you. :)

Poor Hoover. Not only are you old and vulnerable, but you are humiliated on an international level! Wow, with an owner like Lisa, who needs the mail person? Hang in there buddy. Your friends, Cat, Chaps and Emma. bassethoundtown.com

I know the solution to your problems, Lisa.
You just need to have more kids and more pets.

Your love will be spread so thin by your husband, your kids, and you pets that no one will even expect a great deal of attention from you anymore. Once your oldest kid is about eight, you can train her to take care of the younger children and the pets. You can also ask for your husband to support you because you are "giving your all to the family". This will then leave a circle of people and pets caring for one another with you on the outside. Once you have "empowered" everyone else to take responsibilty, you can go to the bar and sip martinis. If someone calls you with a problem, you can tell that person that he/she has to "step up to the plate for me". Having six kids by four different women has allowed me to become a master at empowering others.

We agree with Cat, Chaps, and Emma....and feel really sad for Hoover =(

Hope you don't have any other children. I'd hate for you to stop loving kid #1 just because you have a new baby and life got a little harder.

Everyones life is full of tough times and piles of poop. Get over yourself. I feel sorry for your poor dog.

Thank you for publishing this follow up to your essay and especially for giving us a chance to post comments. I was one of the folks who sent you a response but I didn't threaten or curse and I'm very sorry that you got responses from people who did. I hope it's just because they felt very passionately about what you'd written and not because they really wish you harm.

I appreciate your clarifying that you’re not planning on giving him up. The same way you used overstatement in your essay to make a point (and make for interesting reading), I used overstatement in my e-mail, which is too long to post here, to you to make a point. I didn’t expect you to relinquish Hoover to rescue after reading my e-mail above—what I hoped to do was to make you aware of basset rescue in the hope that you would be interested enough to provide some space about rescue in your column since you provided space to complain about Hoover and reinforce negative stereotypes about having kids and dogs at the same time. Rescue is probably not as sexy to write about as changing family dynamics—but in doing so you could save a dog’s life. Thanks again for letting us respond publicly--I really appreciate it.

In today's throw away society, it is not surprising that when it becomes inconvenient and hard - the solution is to throw it away. DOgs, children, parents.. Your children learn from you.. when they see you throw away their pet or mistreat it... what are you teaching them.. that you can abuse the ones you love.. one that when you are old and need them; you may find yourself in the same position as the dog.. cute at one time, and now a nuisance.. therefore you get to go to a nursing home where you cant be a bother anymore..

What happens also when your children become too hard.. are you going to ignore them too..

I am glad that I am not part of your family..

If your point was that "everything changes once you have a kid" then you should have talked about everything not just your poor dog. Your article "annoyed the crap" out of me. Also, just so you know, posting a picture of your kid with your dog doesn't score any points with me. Nice try though...

"In today's throw away society, it is not surprising that when it becomes inconvenient and hard - the solution is to throw it away." says Helena Poist.

This is how the world works. I know that once I get a certain age, I shouldn't expect people to put up with me unless I have a lot of money to throw around. No one wants to be bothered with someone or something once it is old and loses its charm. I do not know why people have to make themselves seem like the most important thing on the Earth.

Once you get old to a person, it is time to move on to someone or something new. That is the only way you can maintain any sense of well-being in this life. If you are old and grouchy, no one is going to like you. So you might as well sock away some bucks so you can buy peoples' attention in the later years.

Now if I could only get my kids to understand this...

"Once you get old to a person, it is time to move on to someone or something new. That is the only way you can maintain any sense of well-being in this life. If you are old and grouchy, no one is going to like you. So you might as well sock away some bucks so you can buy peoples' attention in the later years.

Now if I could only get my kids to understand this..."

I guess it is too bad that old Hoover can't get a job.

Let's see...she bares her teeth and snarls at the dog. Now -- hmm -- which one is the animal here?

Hey Lisa: Your contract sounds pretty shallow to me. Not one mention of love, respect, or to care for Hoover with compassion. You have such a negative attitude. You are the anti-basset owner. You should hear how you are being slammed on the internet dog boards. Ouch!

A Quote from Lisa:

"Judge me all you want. But I'm still the one who feeds him, brushes him and walks him. I vacuum his fur, I mop up his accidents and I pick up his poo from the curb with a plastic bag and my bare hands. This is the contract I signed when I made him my pet. And it's one I won't break. No matter what you call me."

Give the lady a gold star! What Time sees in her is beyond me. She is pathetic

Lisa doesn't sound shallow to me.

The truth is that people and pets get annoying after a while. It's OK to not like your spouse, children, and/or pets after a while. The real problem is how to get out of the responsibility of "caring" and "supporting" these things. I may sound heartless, but these thoughts have ran through the minds and hearts of each and everyone who is reading this. It is not heartless to dislike or not appreciate your family and pets. These things get irritating. You need to be liberated from these "responsibilities" from time to time. I think Lisa just needs to be more bold with her thinking. She needs to say things like "I don't really hate my dog, but I don't really love my dog either". Only then will she be brave enough to take the next step.

The next step is ridding yourself of the guilt and shame that you feel after you say this. Once guilt and shame are out of the picture, you will be free to pursue the things that make YOU happy.

True happiness is freedom from the concerns and cares of others.

Lisa, look! You found a soul mate! Maybe you can both fit on it's high horse! Don't forget the mirrows!

You are a worthless excuse for a human being. Someone like you should stick to having kids, leave the pet-parenting to those of us who truly love them. People like you are the reason the shelters are over-crowded. I hope your kids grow up to hate you and you are left with nothing other than the love of the pet you once threw away. I see parenting really DOESN'T make you a better person like everyone says.

"People like you are the reason the shelters are over-crowded."

Hello? If everyone was as committed as Lisa is to taking care of their pets for life, no matter what, there would be no need for shelters at all.

Just because she says she will keep him doesn't mean 1. she really will or 2. that he'll be given the love, emotional reassurance, and affection he deserves. He might be brushed bathed and fed but he can end up as neglected as one who is starved. That dog knows exactly how she feels about him and it breaks my heart.

Lisa, you are a pathetic apology for a human being. So you have to clean up piles of poop. Boo hoo! All dog owners eventually will at some time. Didn't you know that before you got him? You may not neglect Hoover but dogs are very sensitive to these things and he knows how you feel about him. In a way, it might be better if you did give him up so he'll have a chance of being placed in a home where he'll receive the love and attention he truly deserves. How dare you blame the dog for his changing behavior when it's YOUR fault.

So much for parenting making you less selfish. You make me sick.

Wow...craziness. Lisa, from what I've read of your columns, you're grounded enough to realize that you're doing the right thing. Your child comes first. Your dog is, regardless of what people may say, still a dog.

Insanity rules. Lisa, I'm an "over the top" basset lover. I have three, and foster for our local basset rescue group. But I hardly think you are a "poor excuse for a human being" or some of these other horrible things that are being said! You are obviously committed to Hoover, no matter what. You are NOT sending him away from the only family he has never known. So many of the dogs that end up in rescue because "well, we had a kid. Dog has to go." THOSE are the people I get angry with. They didn't even try! You didn't do that! Hoover is obviously still a part of your family, and judging by that picture of him with your precious little girl, you understand some of the benefits of raising kids with pets.

Lisa, I don't condemn you. I give you a big hug and say "hang in there." You don't deserve the viciousness I see here.

Not all people have the limited capacity of true love & caring for only 1 being at a time. I understand being tired, frustrated, and feeling the entire world is working against you. To all the Gods, I know I have been there! I think a private personal journal might have been the better place for your thoughts and rantings from the other piece. To make public your short-comings in caring will have others wondering if you are capable of caring for & nurturing the child you bore properly.

If you can not look at anything inside your home (the home itself included) without baring teeth and snarling then it is time to absent yourself from that thing, to place the care of that thing in someone-else's possibly more capable hands.

Your piece has stirred the heart-strings on many both in your defense and against.

I'm glad you're not going to give up on your dog, but surely you can see your attitude is a little bit heartless. You've spent years doting on this dog, and all of a sudden, he's second fiddle. Of course he doesn't get it! This is why training is important- and you don't have the time now.

I also think you do bassets a major disservice by describing them as 'genetically narcoleptic'. Anyone who does more breed research than thinking "Oh, what a cute puppy" knows that they were originally bred to hunt, and they're not all that far from that heritage, all things considered. They're active, athletic dogs, far more so than their exaggrated build suggests, and more of their sloth is really due to owners who let them get overweight (I've never met one who didn't love her food) than a real breed tendency.

A lot of non-dog people seem to assume that all dogs are the same in energy level, ease of training, etc, just with different sizes, coats, and colors, and this just isn't true. (This fallacy has a lot to do with the current craze for 'hybrids' when any one who understands elementary genetics can tell you that there's no way to choose WHICH qualities the dogs will get from each parent.) Breed research is important. But a commitment to your dog is also very important, and I'm glad you're setting a good example for your daughter, and not getting rid of your dog just because he's inconvenient.

If you can't handle a dog and a child in your life at the same time, I wouldn't have a second child, your first one might be shunned next.. you made yourself sound cold and selfish, so dont be surprised by the millions of dog lovers sending you hate mail. If I had to choose between saving my daughter and saving my dog in a blazing fire, there I would be on the roof of the house, kid in arms, and dog strapped to my back!!

I have a baby and I also have dogs. In the early days, when I was still very tired and worn from the effort of birth and adjusting to the new little life in my house, I could empathize with you. I felt that I had not the energy, the time or the patience for ANY of our pets. But as the weeks go by, I find that I do have time and energy and my baby son is a wonderful lesson in patience. I thought perhaps you were getting a raw deal and maybe you would adjust and have time and love to spare for your dog again as well in the not-too-distant future.

But then I saw your photo and realised you don't have a baby anymore. In your efforts to readjust post-birth did you make ANY effort to include the dog? As another reader pointed out, it IS possible to love more than one being at a time! I have not stopped loving my husband since the baby was born.

What happens if you choose to have another child? Will your daughter's misdemeanours and needs relegate her to the status of "pest" also?

Poor, poor dog.

Vic,

You still didn't make a choice. That you even have to think about it is sad. If you don't love your child more than your dog, you're a terrible parent.

Kids = Pets

Right, Vic?

I am so angered by the "Demoting the Dog" essay....There are so many things wrong with Ms. Cullen's perspective that it's difficult to know where to start.

This essay highlights the reasons that it's not a good idea to give a pet as a gift. Pets given as gifts are often discarded or mistreated because the gift-receivers did not make the commitment to the pet or choose the right pet for them.

The language in this essay is strong and overwhelmingly negative. For instance, "the moment my child entered my world, there was no more room in it for my dog." "No more room"? That's strong language. No wonder Ms. Cullen's previously beloved dog did not know how to handle his new, unwanted status in the family. He went from first to last, not understanding why.

Not to mention repeated use of the word "hate" in reference to Ms. Cullen's feelings for her dog....And, I wish Ms. Cullen would please forgive her dog for needing the basics like food, medical attention, and baths. Oh, yeah, and her attention. Hopefully she can also forgive her dog for having the audacity to grow old, like we all do. God forbid that her dog needs special food when he gets "old and fat." I wonder what Ms. Cullen will do if anyone else in her life grows old or has health problems.

This essay disgusts me and is a representation of all that's wrong with our society - once a person or any living creature becomes in any way inconvenient for us, we think the problem lies with them and we banish them, withdraw our attention from them, or destroy them.

Yuck.

"once a person or any living creature becomes in any way inconvenient for us, we think the problem lies with them and we banish them, withdraw our attention from them, or destroy them."

That's the way of the world. Lisa is not at fault here. She is telling it like it is. I just wish that she was bolder in her thinking. Hating an old and smelly dog is not wrong. People move on from people and pets and things sometimes. That's how the cycle of life continues. Like I said earlier, "If you are old and grouchy, no one is going to like you. So you might as well sock away some bucks so you can buy peoples' attention in the later years." This dog doesn't have money and isn't bringing in any money. It is costing money. She should get rid of the dog and stop feeling guilty.

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -- Rita Rudner

Stick to dogs. Parenting is soooo overrated.

Yeah, it's soooo much easier to love an animal that offers unconditional love. All the conditions humans put on relationships are sooo taxing. Animal nuts are failed human beings because it's easy to love something that is excited when you give it kibble or scratch its belly. Dealing with people is sooo much work!

As a dog lover, basset owner and non-parent,your essay gave me immediate and visceral feelings. There are some solid points made throughout these postings. I hope you're paying attention and considering all the perspectives. As adamant as you appear in your feelings of "hate" and "annoyance" I'm sure none of the statements will make an impact on your thinking.
I just hope that by the time you have your next child or the adorable one you have turns into a raving teenager you don't tire and disconnect yourself from them. Children are precious, no argument! Priority #1, absolutely. But remeber unlike children who are born innocent and grow through your love and nuturing to take care of themselves, dogs always stay innocent and dependant on you, all they ask in return is food and attention. It makes me sad to think that any decent human being can't manage to balance their life and their attitude to incorporate love for a child and love for a pet into one happy life without bitching about it in such a heartless way.

I kept waiting for her to say she dumped her poor dog or turned him into the local shelter! I wonder if he might be better off getting a new home where his mere presence isn't so annoying. It is absurd to love your pet less because you have a new child. I will never understand people like this. I admit our dogs miss a walk every now and then and our cats may get a few less belly rubs because of all the time that has to be spent caring for our human girls but I have no less love for my animals because of them!! It goes both ways too....less money gets put into the girls college funds and we can afford to buy fewer toys and gadgets because of pet supplies and vet bills. But it is all worth it. Our 22 month old daughter automatically "assumes the position" with her arms spread wide when we whip the lint roller out and yes, she wipes doggie drool off herself on a regular basis but it is a small price for her to pay for getting to curl up next to her favorite animals and to have constant, loyal companions in her life. I can guarantee that my girls' lives will be richer because they had the unconditional love of our beloved pets and they will be more respectful and compassionate humans because they have helped care for our pet family members. I wonder if you will love your first child less when the second one is born? I feel sorry for your daughter and your dog when the limited amount of love you have to give runs out. Beware the unintentional message you are teaching your child....she may one day find your presence annoying (and expendable) when you grow old and dependant.

Loyal to my children and my pets,
Jo Klepacki, St. Louis, MO

I kept waiting for her to say she dumped her poor dog or turned him into the local shelter! I wonder if he might be better off getting a new home where his mere presence isn't so annoying. It is absurd to love your pet less because you have a new child. I will never understand people like this. I admit our dogs miss a walk every now and then and our cats may get a few less belly rubs because of all the time that has to be spent caring for our human girls but I have no less love for my animals because of them!! It goes both ways too....less money gets put into the girls college funds and we can afford to buy fewer toys and gadgets because of pet supplies and vet bills. But it is all worth it. Our 22 month old daughter automatically "assumes the position" with her arms spread wide when we whip the lint roller out and yes, she wipes doggie drool off herself on a regular basis but it is a small price for her to pay for getting to curl up next to her favorite animals and to have constant, loyal companions in her life. I can guarantee that my girls' lives will be richer because they had the unconditional love of our beloved pets and they will be more respectful and compassionate humans because they have helped care for our pet family members. I wonder if you will love your first child less when the second one is born? I feel sorry for your daughter and your dog when the limited amount of love you have to give runs out. Beware the unintentional message you are teaching your child....she may one day find your presence annoying (and expendable) when you grow old and dependant.

Loyal to my children and my pets,
Jo Klepacki, St. Louis, MO

I kept waiting for her to say she dumped her poor dog or turned him into the local shelter! I wonder if he might be better off getting a new home where his mere presence isn't so annoying. It is absurd to love your pet less because you have a new child. I will never understand people like this. I admit our dogs miss a walk every now and then and our cats may get a few less belly rubs because of all the time that has to be spent caring for our human girls but I have no less love for my animals because of them!! It goes both ways too....less money gets put into the girls college funds and we can afford to buy fewer toys and gadgets because of pet supplies and vet bills. But it is all worth it. Our 22 month old daughter automatically "assumes the position" with her arms spread wide when we whip the lint roller out and yes, she wipes doggie drool off herself on a regular basis but it is a small price for her to pay for getting to curl up next to her favorite animals and to have constant, loyal companions in her life. I can guarantee that my girls' lives will be richer because they had the unconditional love of our beloved pets and they will be more respectful and compassionate humans because they have helped care for our pet family members. I wonder if you will love your first child less when the second one is born? I feel sorry for your daughter and your dog when the limited amount of love you have to give runs out. Beware the unintentional message you are teaching your child....she may one day find your presence annoying (and expendable) when you grow old and dependant.

Loyal to my children and my pets,
Jo Klepacki, St. Louis, MO

I kept waiting for her to say she dumped her poor dog or turned him into the local shelter! I wonder if he might be better off getting a new home where his mere presence isn't so annoying. It is absurd to love your pet less because you have a new child. I will never understand people like this. I admit our dogs miss a walk every now and then and our cats may get a few less belly rubs because of all the time that has to be spent caring for our human girls but I have no less love for my animals because of them!! It goes both ways too....less money gets put into the girls college funds and we can afford to buy fewer toys and gadgets because of pet supplies and vet bills. But it is all worth it. Our 22 month old daughter automatically "assumes the position" with her arms spread wide when we whip the lint roller out and yes, she wipes doggie drool off herself on a regular basis but it is a small price for her to pay for getting to curl up next to her favorite animals and to have constant, loyal companions in her life. I can guarantee that my girls' lives will be richer because they had the unconditional love of our beloved pets and they will be more respectful and compassionate humans because they have helped care for our pet family members. I wonder if you will love your first child less when the second one is born? I feel sorry for your daughter and your dog when the limited amount of love you have to give runs out. Beware the unintentional message you are teaching your child....she may one day find your presence annoying (and expendable) when you grow old and dependant.

Loyal to my children and my pets,
Jo Klepacki, St. Louis, MO

don't be discouraged by hateful emails and rude comments. no one should judge you if they haven't lived a day in your life. hang in there and dont give up on Hoover. While I'm sure he can be a pain (i too am owned by a basset) he likely just wants some special attention. maybe you could get involved in something with him and your daughter. obediance training or even just take the two to a dog park where she can run around also. they are both very cute and very deserving of your love and affection.

good luck.
http://www.dogster.com/dogs/531112

Now I don't have a dog or a kid, but it seems to me that pest is a word used for creatures we actively dislike. And if what was once cute in your pest is now so annoying that the pest following you around the house or the dog hair on the baby blanket is going to upset you, then maybe it is time your pest live with a family that doesn't consider it a hassle and annoyance that the dog continues to do all the things it did before the baby came. There is an alternative to your social contract that requires you to care for an animal towards which you apparently feel very little.

And in 6 or 8 years when your kid looks at you with big wide eyes asking for a puppy, resist the impulse to say yes and get her a goldfish. You and the dog will be better off all around.

In neither your essay, nor your response, do you talk about any of the joyful things about having a dog--or a kid or a husband for that matter. In fact, you seem pretty cranky overall about everything. Maybe you ought to figure out why that is or why it comes across that way in your writing, because both of these selections absolutely reverberated with disgust for your poor dog, and that's pretty sad.

I have a eight year old Golden retriever and I must admit, after having two children, he receives far less attention than he did when we were childless. This is just natural, you only have so much time in the day, and as much as SPCA folks will argue with me, dogs do not equal your children on the totem pole of importance. I don't feel the writer hates her dog, but dogs are a lot of work and when they get older, they usually get to be more work, not less due to health concerns. For example, our golden may be diagnosed with cancer in the next week or so, due to a sore on his leg. This dog had a tick illness two years ago that cost us over $6,000 to treat. In addition, he's probably cost us over $3,000 more in the first six years of his life. Now, with the possibility of cancer, the vet is suggesting chemo treatments, etc. Are we bad pet owners to say "Enough is enough, financially, for this dog?" When you buy a dog, are you under some contract to spend whatever it takes to keep them alive, even though their quality of life is decreasing? I love him like a child, but at some point, the bills become too much and keeping him alive and suffering just to keep him around seems crueler.

Lisa Takeuchi Cullen is not a heartless person. Her heart is just too small. Her husband should be worried. And her first child should be worried as well, if — heaven forfend — Cullen decides to breed again.

The personal comments aimed at Ms. Takeuchi Cullen are a bit much. Frankly, so was the original column, which deliberately courted hate mail, which the author then professed surprise at receiving. Yes, mothers from the beginning of time have sometimes found that their priorities change radically when they give birth, although it's usually spouses or older children who get frozen out, and there is something oddly narcissistic about this tendency.

And yes, relationships with human beings are more complex and layered than the ones we have with animals, which is precisely why relationships with animals can be so refreshing and basic, and (when approached with the right attitude) make us better able to love the people in our lives.

Pets should never be a substitute for children--a dog can't fill the gap in your heart that belongs to a child--and vice versa. But it should be noted that many people are somehow able to fill both gaps, without one taking from the other. And in any event, there's no better gift you can give a child than to grow up with a dog from an early age. I gather this is a gift Ms. Takeuchi Cullen herself did not get to enjoy as a child. If so, too bad. But she shouldn't be surprised if when she takes her daughter to work, her daughter wants the dog to come along (well, assuming he makes it that far).

The author of this piece is being disingenuous when she acts surprised that she got some nasty letters, when she herself chose to refer to 'the hate that dare not speak its name'. She got precisely the reaction she was going for--which is a lot better than bored indifference. She was annoyed at the reaction she got in private conversation when she divulged her feelings, and was looking for some way to say "My emotions are normal, and the people who love dogs as much as people are not." Well, there's no such damn thing as normal. Normal does not exist. Never did.

This one goes down with the Newsweek article written by the woman who shot a bird in her backyard that was bugging her. Don't take it seriously, folks. Just a desperate plea for attention.

Its startling and almost disturbing that there are so many people in arms against an owner admitting her 'short-comings,' if you have to call it that. In no way should either article have made anyone threaten to take away poor Hoover. I groom dogs 10 hours a day 5 days a week. I have heard it all. Nothing she has written comes anywhere near justifing the response she has recieved from certain readers. Would you rather she put the dog before her daughter? She does not neglect Hoover and there is no doubt that she loves him. If you just have to sit in judgment of people get away from the computer and go be an 'animal cop'. Introduce youself to the true horrors some pets encounter. I have shaved away matting 2 inches thick to find a dead leg infested with maggots. When the owners where called they simply told us to put him down. They didn't want to come say goodbye or attempt treatment. So for those of you that feel you can chastise an owner for being honest about having long days, put your efforts on the real problem owners.

I sincerely hope you don't have any more children. I would hate for you to "bare your teeth and snarl" at your current child who may dare want attention because, hey, there's a new one in town! The old one is just an annoyance now, right? What happens when one kid cries while the other one is napping? Or the older child spreads trash around as kids often do? I guess we'll find out in a future posting from you demoting the currently beloved older child from "center of the universe" to "gum on the bottom of my shoe" in favor of the shiny new model.

I'm so sorry for Hoover. I'll echo others that I hope you don't reproduce again.

I'd be willing to wager that you won't be having another since you probably no longer love your husband now that a shiny new kid has arrived. After all, he's old and plus, not as interesting, since he didn't come out of your womb, right?

Your essay makes me feel sick.

I am so sick of hearing about how parents no longer love their pets the same way after having children.

If I had my way you (and others like you) would be reported to the SPCA. You're going to realize (too late) what a joy animals are when your daughter turns sixteen and starts screaming the she HATES you for not letting her do something. No animal would EVER betray you in such a way unless you did something to make it afraid of you.

I don't care what your rationale is or how many other people understand/support your behavior. This essay PROVES that you ARE a pathetic excuse for a human being. Do the world a favor: get sterilized and don't adopt any more pets. You've proven that you simply aren't worthy of either responsibilty.

If you harbor such hateful sentiments about your dog it is best that you give him up to someone who can love and cherish him for the rest of his life. I don't see the point in you hanging in there and not giving him up. Merely grooming, feeding and picking up poop with "bare hands" does not constitute adequate care for poor Hoover.

Sadly, your attempt to sound like a better person with this follow-up fell short. The word narcissist comes to mind.

I feel sorry for your dog and for your child, as it is obvious she cannot look to her mother as a role model for compassion or unconditional love.

Those of you who can't stand your pets to poop on the floor or wake you up in the middle of the night...

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK KIDS DO????

I think everyone is giving this woman way too much attention. Best thing to do is ignore her and stop reading her work. I thinks this was just a sick ploy for attention don't give in to it. Personally I'm never reading anything this woman writes again.

Do I feel pity for the dog, or do I feel pity for the child?

Wait. It's possible to feel both. Too bad Lisa doesn't grasp that concept.

Lisa should be applauded.

She used her silly dog as a way to generate interest to her blog and to her writing in general. I hope she smartens up and uses this attention to write more provocative and witty pieces. It would be such a tragedy for her not to gain something from all of these nasty comments. If she chickens out, her blog could become more boring than the Looking Around blog. That place is a freaking snoozer!!!

The people who are mad at her will be the same people who read her blog on a regular basis if she would just learn how to antagonize people a bit more. Lisa's blog could be second place to the Swampland blog. I hope she doesn't let these "threats" scare her.

You dog nuts are complete idiots. Can you not read? Do you not actually comprehend words? WHat makes you think this dog is neglected? It's a dog. It doesn't know what its owner is thinking. Are you people psychotic?

I am appalled that you dog nuts suggest the things you do about this woman and her child. What a disgusting bunch of hypocritical jackholes you are. Do you honestly think any animal is better than any person? No one would ignore a first child after a second is born because they are PEOPLE, not animals. The viciosu things said against her child. Her child! You are all disgusting. YOu don't deserve your pets. How shameful to talk that way.

Go home and love your dogs like people, probably because you ahve no social skills and dogs give you love and attention and ask for nothing in return, unlike PEOPLE who are complicated and need more from you than a walking, which is more than you can muster.

This woman needs to be fired.

I can see why "Anonymous" is reluctant to be identified. Anyway, it is beyond rational dispute that many kinds of animals are able to sense the emotions of humans around them. Some even sense cancer and heart attacks in humans before any symptoms appear. And yes, I prefer the company of my dog to many humans I know. Finally, I have not read anything negative written about Cullen's child. I feel sorry for the little girl, who may become as disposable as Hoover is now, depending on her mother's whim.

Any parent who doesn't subscribe to Lisa's point of view is raising a troubled child. Responsible parents don't parcel their love between their child and a dog. Period. Get the dog when the kid is old enough to give it the love it needs. Parents have more important things to think about.

To all those bashing Lisa for loving her child more than her dog (gasp!): it's just a dog, people. Get over yourselves.

I am glad I wasn't the only reader who found this article both annoying an offensive. With so many animals given away each year by families who decide their pet is too much "trouble", it's sad to see Time Magazine making light of the situation by including this essay. Cullen argues that the dog annoys her by doing things that disrupt her time with her baby, as if the dog really understood her frustrations. I'm sure she'll be yearning for that unconditional love when her daughter reaches her teens and doesn't need or want mommy's constant attention.

Why is the first inclination of dog lovers to think Lisa would abandon her child or that she lacks morality?

Who can blame the anonymous posters? For the ones who defend Lisa's point of view, these kinds of comments are horrifing. Who wouldn't fear the personal attacks of the canophilic jihadists? For those who espouse hatred, they must surely, deep down, be ashamed.

Is there any room to disagree without resorting to anger and wishing ill on children? Can no debate, however personal, be civil?

I await your wrath for promoting civility.

So Gerry--you want the discussion to be civil, and your contribution to this is to coin the phrase 'canophilic jihadists'? Does this mean you want some dog lovers to fly a plane into Time's corporate headquarters?

There are some very messed up people who love dogs--I, for one, probably don't want to know how much worse they'd be if they didn't have dogs. There are also some very messed up people who don't like dogs, and I don't want to know them, period. Basically, there's a lot of messed up people on the internet. And I find it very hard to believe Ms. Takeuchi Cullen didn't know they'd be showing up to discuss her not terribly interesting article, if she said she hated her dog, even though she now admits she just finds him a bit of a pain.

Please note, she got the dog as a present. She and her husband basically made him a surrogate child, practice for 'the real thing', and no real dog lover does this, because dogs aren't people (and no real dog lover insults them by claiming they are). Real dog love isn't a substitute for something else--and the proof of this is all the loving parents of large families who also choose to live with dogs, and find them in every possible way an enhancement to the overall joy and bonhomie of their busy households. Sure, getting a dog can help prepare someone for parenthood, or a romantic relationship--it can even help bring such happy developments about, and frequently does.

But don't get a dog unless you WANT a dog. Because what a dog can give you is quite distinct from what a fellow human can give you. And no human can love you the way a dog does. And if people can't see the value of that love, that's their loss. As Will Rogers said "If there are no dogs in Heaven,
then when I die I want to go
where they went."

And people are going to remember Will Rogers a long time after they've forgotten Ms. Takeuchi Cullen and every single other writer currently working at Time Magazine.

A jihad is not exclusively terroristic; it is any kind of vigorous moral undertaking. One could accurately describe rock god Bono as declaring a jihad against poverty with his One campaign. Of course morality is relative, and that's the point I attempted to make. I'll be more clear in the future.

What bothered me was the assertion that there was no love left for the dog once the child came along. My mother had four children, and right on through to a great-grandchild. She has had multiple pets through the decades. At no time did any of these critters - human or animal - not know her unconditional love. Her heart was big enough for all, and still is.

The literal meaning of the word 'jihad' is 'to struggle in the way of God', or 'to struggle to improve one's self and/or society."

And I think there are some people fighting for greater rights and respect for our animal brethren who qualify as this type of jihadist.

And others who are just loopy obsessives, to be sure. I was just as repelled by some of the personal tirades against Ms. Takeuchi Cullen as you were, Gerry.

But if you'll read back what you wrote, you said

"For the ones who defend Lisa's point of view, these kinds of comments are horrifing [sic]. Who wouldn't fear the personal attacks of the canophilic jihadists? For those who espouse hatred, they must surely, deep down, be ashamed."

Why would anyone be ashamed of trying to improve himself and/or society?

Btw, the correct term is 'cyanophilic'.

Thanks for demontrating how nutty and ignorant us dog lovers are. ;)

Demonstrating, sorry. If I'm going to correct other people's errors, I can't be any less merciless upon my own.

I think several folks are confusing the issue of loving dog more than child/loving child more than dog, etc. The problem in this instance is that she claims to love the dog LESS THAN BEFORE. That's the bottom line that is disturbing to a lot of people. There is no reason for her to love the dog LESS now, even if she loves her child MORE than the dog. In my experience, parents who love and care for animals tend to be more loving and more compassionate parents.

Becca, I think the big difference here is that this person didn't choose to have a dog in her life, didn't research which breed she wanted, and who the best breeders were, or go to a shelter to find a soulmate in need of a home and family, or even fall in love with a puppy born to some friend or family member's canine companion. She got a non-returnable wedding gift. She wasn't ready to have a kid, so she ended up turning all the love that she had stored up in waiting for a child on the dog--but then once she had an actual child, there was nothing left for the dog. And to her credit, she didn't just get rid of the black and tan stepchild.

She's not an awful person--she's just not a dog person. She probably shouldn't have had a dog in the first place. But that's true of lots of people with dogs. Sheesh, have you seen what Mitt Romney did with one of his, back in 1983?

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1638065,00.html

I meant that the shame of espousing hatred would prevent them from signing their names.

As for canophilic, I got it from http://phrontistery.info/love.html. I chose canophilic, "love or fondness for dogs," instead
of cyanophilic, "one who loves dogs," because of what I assumed was the latter's connotation of sexual attraction. I am trying not to inflame passions (no pun intended) even further. Perhaps it's not an authoritive source.

That's "authoritative," Christopher.

Gerry, it was patently obvious what you meant, and perhaps it has escape your attention that I'm using my full name, and you aren't? I mean, assuming that IS your name, of course.

The Oxford English Dictionary Online recognizes neither Canophile nor Cyanophile, FYI. It does have 'Canophilist'--defined as "A Lover of Dogs". Which I guess can be interpreted all sorts of ways. Whatever turns you on, Gerry.

Yes, but your spelling is still by far the more 'horrifing', Gerry. ;)

And btw, Gerry, I don't seem to recall Osama Bin Laden having any shyness about signing his name.

Will you just admit you made a comment that was in every bit as poor taste as any of the ones you were decrying?

And then were so embarassed to be called on it that you tried to weasel out of your comment's obvious intent?

Now if anybody accuses me of badmouthing weasels, we can make this thead even sillier.

Yes, but Osama is a nut job, no? Not exactly the same thing.

And it's not my fault that popular and lazy usage has erased all but one definition of a word. I will still attempt to write interesting sentences. Except for this one, perhaps. Or maybe this one.

But I usually provide a link with my name, so the e-mail can flow in my direction if anyone were so inclined.

OMG!!! Lady, please don't have more than one child. If I can be through an abusive husband, have 2 (now teenage) sons that I love dearly and who still live with me and STILL have room for my very first bassett ever without any love leaving my heart for anyone of them.... Love is supposed to grow as the family expands. What is your child learning from you??? Take the hint and STOP BREEDING!

I posted my full name, and I included my email addy when I did so.

And what I find when I click on your name is yet another frustrated author blog, which you obviously don't think is getting enough traffic.

Can I just ask--is EVERYBODY who says something controversial about dogs and their admirers really just trying to draw attention to their underappreciated scribblings?

It would so appear.

;)

Harsh, and not true. There's an space for web/blog address, so I fill it in. You can't have it both ways. Using my last name means nothing; it could be made up. Adding a link to a site means something: this is where you can find me. I write because I want to. Don't read it if you don;t want to. A simple deal, I think.

And I didn't say anything controversial, my friend. Seems to me that the intent of my earlier comment has been lost on you. Now you're just insulting me. And why?

Please do not have another child. I have seen far too many women who want another baby when their first baby gets older. Just like your poor dog your older daughter will be considered annoying while you have baby time. She will be told to go watch tv or go play.

Holy cow, Christopher! Thanks for the link about the Romney thing. Not a man with whom I would want to be neighbors.

You should not own a dog. Find a nice, LOVING, home for your dog. Let him spend his life being the light of someone else's. You do not deserve the companionship of anything canine or feline. Maybe a stuffed dog from FAO Scwartz would suit you.

I have a daughter and she grew up at the dog show grounds. Now on her own with a husband-to-be, they are suffering dog withdrawal. I have 5 Soft Coated Wheaten Terriers in my house and co-own a dozen more. My daughter and fiance' cannot wait to visit them. She could deliver a litter of puppies by herself at 9 years old.

We are proud to be "dog people". You are not! I feel sorry for your child also. Will she be thrown in the background when another baby comes along?

Please don't write about dogs anymore. You sicken me!

[quote]Harsh, and not true.[/quote]

You mean like calling people who overreact to a silly magazine column 'jihadists'?

[quote] There's an space for web/blog address, so I fill it in.[/quote]

It's an option, not a requirement. Not dissing you, merely pointing out that you have a motive to try and draw attention to yourself--much like the writer who inspired all this blather.

[quote]You can't have it both ways. Using my last name means nothing; it could be made up.[/quote]

Posting a link to your blog means nothing--nobody uses pseudonyms on the internet? I'm sure it's your real name, and I'm still scratching my head as to why you thought it was worth mentioning that other people posting here didn't use their full names.

[quote] Adding a link to a site means something: this is where you can find me. I write because I want to. Don't read it if you don;t want to. A simple deal, I think.[/quote]

And a good one for you--free advertising. ;)

[quote]And I didn't say anything controversial, my friend.[/quote]

Gerry, sad to say, the use of the word 'jihadist' will be controversial in any context, for a long time to come. And no reasonable person could deny that.

[quote] Seems to me that the intent of my earlier comment has been lost on you.[/quote]

I took it to be derogatory in nature. Would you say it wasn't? Yes or no, please.

[quote] Now you're just insulting me. And why?[/quote]

Not to get people to read my blog, that's for sure. I don't have one.

;)

I hope you're going to let your daughter read your humorless essay when she gets older. I'm sure it will answer a lot of questions she will have about why you are the way you are. Coldhearted and full of yourself. (Your attempt to explain yourself fell flat as well.)

Oh please STOP IT. The article was stupid, but it doesn't prove Takeuchi Cullen is an icewoman. Just another columnist with a deadline, desperately casting around for a subject that will get people interested. Mission accomplished, but the article still sucked, because she never really got below the surface.

She didn't choose to get a dog--she did choose to take care of the one she was given, even after she didn't want him anymore. You can't help who you love or don't love. The moral of this story is "Don't give anyone a puppy, unless you know he or she really REALLY wants one. And sometimes not even then."

Lisa Takeuchi Cullen's essay "Demoting the Dog" in the July 2nd issue is a prime example of how many Americans continue to view and treat their pets as property that can be discarded at will.

One day you bring a animal home to make it part of your family and over a short period of time a bond is formed. Suddenly a few years later something changes and either Fido or Fluffy have to go. This is no different than getting rid of a piece of furniture that no longer fits into your life.

All to often you hear about puppies or kittens given as gifts to children but it is soon realized that it was a mistake for a array of reasons. Then there is the couple who move in together and one of them needs to give up their cat because the other one has a dog.

In Ms. Cullen's essay a child is introduced to the home and overnight the pet is neglected and no longer welcome. In this case it is just a matter of time before the animal is banished to the outside or given up totally without regard for the animal and it's feelings...yes, they do feel.

I applaud Ms. Cullen's strength to make her true feelings on this matter known but I have to question why.

-Michael Stone
Orinda, Ca

Oy vey. You win, The (not a typo) Christopher Lyons. Man, I'd hate to be a dinner party with you. Do you badger everyone like this or only those who aren't standing in front of you?

Do you accuse everyone you disagree with of behing a 'jihadist'? That must make for interesting after-dinner conversation. And yes, I know I 'won', Gerry. And so does everybody else who read this far down. ;)

Gerry and Christopher - Get a room!

Get a life!

And maybe you should get a new threadbare cliche portfolio? I mean, even trolls should take a little pride in their work.

;)

And I guess your need to always have the last word helps make up for your insecurity.

It's too bad you don't have the kind of heart that produces extra love when needed, but rather find that you must carefully ration a limited supply of love. Like several other posters, I worry about what will happen to your relationship with your first child if you have a second child.

Hey, listen! No Gerry, no Christopher Lyons. Maybe they are in their room! Have at it! Maybe you can birth your own thread!

Lisa, back to you. Hoover thinks you suck. However, he likes your kid.

I thought one of the great things about "heart" is there is no limit to how many things can fill a heart. I hope it is not true when you fill your heart with one thing, then you must throw that feeling out before you are allowed to love another thing, as Lisa does.

I suspect Hoover, who was serving as a surrogate child - which was a bit overboard to begin with, never actually was in your heart to begin with.
Pets are forgiving creatures and he probably won't mind being the family dog.

I think God gave hearts an unlimited capacity to grow along with families that grow. Part of his genius. I hope Lisa you are able to learn how full your life can be by sharing your heart with many, including pets. And disgusting as the old dog may be at times, I bet he has a lot of heart to offer you AND your family. It is rare that anyone or anything is a bundle of charm without some less endearing traits attached. Especially as we get older.

Hope her poor daughter never outlives her "usefulness" ...

Isn't it too bad that the doggy has more love and loyalty in his DNA than she does?

I am the proud owner of three dogs, three cats, and two kids. When I signed up to be a pet owner I understood that it was for life, good AND bad. Would you consider putting your child down because they peed/pooped on the floor/clothes? Just because you don't HATE your pet does not make you a hero. I wish society would understand that companion animals need love - not just the necessities of life. Leave it to the Americans to publish such a selfish and single minded opinion.

Although you clearly state "he is still my dog", possession of such dog does not mean you should have kept him out of habit. Dogs are sensitive and although they can't write essays for TIME Magazine, they are extremely sensitive and would easily pick up on the fact you find him "a pain in the ass". You should have adopted him out to a loving home. Give me Joel Stein to read any day.

Lisa, our families, (spouse, children, and pets included), and their love, are gifts. They shouldn't be taken for granted, or begrudged just for existing. They should be treasured and appreciated. My wish for you is to realize this - accept love and give love, to your entire family, including Hoover.
He seems to have that figured out.

Before you had a 2-legged child, this furbaby was your child. You have ownership but he is not your dog..NOT your beloved companion as he once was. He "nose" it. You have hurt him and shame on you for doing so. We live with 7 dogs. No, it is not easy. Yes they shed and yes they do have the occasional accident. They are my world. They know no matter what that they are here because this is their home and they are a beloved member of the family. Your dog would be so much better off living out his golden years with love...you refer to him as a "pain in the ass" and he will feel this for as long as you have him...How dare you...How dare this worthless article be published...Free speech is one thing but useless speech is another...get a stuffed dog for your kid...no responsibility there...she hears your words and she will one day use them..perhaps about you..when you are older and and a "pain in her ass"...

I'm not sure what to think about that article. Was it for real or just to get a reaction? I have both human children and fur children. My dogs range in age from young to old. Are the older ones any less useful than the young ones, NO!! They can't walk as far as they used to in their youth and don't play but that doesn't make them any less than the able bodied. Yes I have the occasional accident, I just suck it up and deal with it. I chose to get pets, they didn't choose me. It's my responsibility to care for them in good and bad times. Never have I called them a "pain in the ass". My children have learned the lesson of compassion and caring by having pets. We've laughed at them and cried over the loss of them. I hope your daughter is able to learn the same and not think of Hoover as an inconvenience.
Quite honestly if I was an animal at your house I'd probably crap on the floor too. I'd do anything it might take to get a little bit of your attnetion.

Hillarious! Wonderful writing. I will try harder to follow your essays in the future. Thanks for the laugh and for the honesty.

LISA TAKEUCHI CULLEN seems to be rather cold-hearted and stingy with
her love. As others have said, is she going to stop loving her daughter
if and when she has another baby? It is very very sad that she no
longer loves (but just tolerates) her bassett hound. I hope some day
that she has enough love in her heart that she doesn't have to be stingy
with it.
This reminds me of the old song:

"Love is something if you give it away;
You end up having more.
It's just like a magic penny;
Hold it tight, and you won't have any;
Lend and spend it, and you'll have so many
They'll roll all over the floor."

oh for heaven's sake...ok, all you judgmental folks, put your torches and pitchforks away and switch off your halos. What, PETA going to conduct an investigation next? Sometimes my wife can be a PITA, sometimes my kids can be a PITA and sometimes, believe it or not, my dog can be a PITA. And I am quite confident I can be a royal PITA. Venting about your pet (or family member)doesn't mean you dont love your him/her and ready to ship them out.

There is much bigger picture to this story, try tuning into it and leave the self righteousness out.

Thankey.

-Scrotis Lo Knows

did I miss it--I don't recall the author ever mentioning that she still loves her dog, only that he will remain her dog until one of them dies. He might be better off if she goes first.

I recently had a child and yes, my relationship with my dog has changed. And sadly, she has no idea why. I feel guilty, but I would NEVER blame the dog for being difficult or needy or suddenly smelly. She hasn't changed--I have! I hope this author has gotten some medication for her obvious post-partum issues.

Also, did she have no idea that bassets are messy and smelly when she got him???? I owned and loved 2 bassets when I was younger, but knew exactly what I was getting myself into. Do a little research before getting a pet, please!!

I really wonder how the author's child is going to turn out. It sounds like before the kid came she spoiled the dog and never bothered to teach it obedience, then she was surprised when it turned out to be a pain in the ass once the first puppy love wore off. Is she going to be similarly surprised when her precious baby turns into a little hellion for want of some parenting?

Lisa's article didn't make me mad. She's speaking like any normal new parent would. What makes me angry are these rabid dog-lovers who think the only difference between dogs and kids is that kids walk on two legs. If one tenth of the money spent on doggie coats, booties and haircuts were diverted to providing healthcare for needy children our future would be a lot brighter. Ever since I became a dad I can't look at a pampered dog without reflecting on how many kids live worse than that mutt. It's nice to have a prominent writer whose priorities are straight.

Dave, one does not have to outfit a dog with booties to care about it. You've obviously missed the point of the distress. One does not have to love a pet less because they now have a child.

And how far do we take the "that money could be spent on poor kids" thing? What if someone said, "Don't have four kids. Only have three because that money could be spent on a poor kid."

"Buy the cheapest car because that extra money could be spent on poor kids."

"Don't eat at a restaurant tonight. Eat Kraft macaroni because the extra money could be spent on a poor kid."

What difference is there between money spent on pets and money spent on anything that is not necessary?

Actually, people who care about animals tend to be more caring towards other humans.

Dave: There would not be so many needy kids if stupid couples did not breed. Don't have a child if you can't afford it. These couples that dump needy children on the government should be made to use birth control before they get their hand outs. I am sick of the breeders who create this situation. Lisa is NOT normal and I would not consider her a prominent writer. She is a spoiled brat with a cold stone for a heart. TIME should wake up and dump her, in honor of Hoover.

I have recently become a grandmother and have four beloved dogs. I know exactly what you mean. I saved your article to show my son.

Everything has changed and your beloved dog is not quite so dear for his dependence on you. But you still love him and care for him and always will.

Yay you for saying what's true!

So your child changed your love for you dog?! And if you have another child will your love change for your first child? Probably. You obviously view your dog as an obligation as opposed to a living, breathing soul who is DEPENDENT upon you for EVERYTHING....JUST LIKE YOUR CHILD!

Your child comes with EXACTLY the same "prenup" as you called it. Your child is dependent upon YOU for everything--just like your basset. If your child gets sick do you not take her to the doctor? Do you not clean up after her in every sense of the word? I hope so for if you do not then I question your ability to parent.

Is Hoover exasperating--of course. He's a dog! Is your child exasperating--absolutely!!! But I doubt you would ever admit that, now would you?

Love is love....and if you measure it in different amounts for different people, pets, etc., then I do not believe you know what it is to truly love with total abandonment. If you did you would never refer to your basset as "a pest," a word reserved for creatures such as cockroaches.

(and yes, I have TWO bassets and love each of them equally: with total abandonment.)

Deborah, did you seriously just attack Takeuchi Cullen by praising Joel Stein?

Same Joel Stein who wrote this little piece of what passes for his mind?

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,990664,00.html

My criticisms of her rather shallow self-centered ramblings notwithstanding, she's tons better than Stein, a guy who is so desperate for attention that he actually wrote a piece about how he hates our troops, and it's their fault they're in Iraq, because they shouldn't have joined up in the first place.

People should just get over it--Takeuchi Cullen isn't a dog lover. She greatly prefers homo sapiens to canis familiaris. That doesn't mean she's evil. It just means she has lousy taste. ;)

I have to admit, when I first read this article, my reaction was "man, she sucks." I grew up in a household full of dogs, and with a mother who not only felt responsible for their care and the obligation she'd accepted towards them but who loved them and treated them as family members from puppyhood to old age. So to think of an animal who was once loved and is now seen as primarily a burden does make me sad.

But then I think about how many times I've been labeled by the various "mommy clubs" at work or elsewhere as selfish, lazy, irresponsible, unwilling to grow up, cold-hearted and downright stupid for deciding not to reproduce. They can't grasp my choices and why I'm happy in my life with a partner and pets but no kids any more than I can sympathize or deal with a sentiment that a beloved pet becomes nothing more than an unloved obligation because a baby comes along.

In some respect, I have to give her kudos for being honest about the way she feels. I've given up on doing the same in certain circles after the 800th reply of "oh, you'll change your mind and have a baby" or "your life will be so empty without kids." To each of us our own, I guess. I just hope Hoover still gets some affection out of the whole deal somewhere in the family.