The evolution of Dad: he's no Mr. Mom

Mr. Mom or stay-at-home-dad will be one of the very few types of male (apart from gays) that gender feminists could embrace. Because such men don't threaten them in career race (stay-at-home dads) and emasculated males are totally in line with the gender-femnists favourite gener-role-reveral game.

I have no problem with dads taking more of a proative role in child-rearing, but promotion of Mr. Mom and stay-at-home-dads have FEMINIST AGENDA.

Oh no! Not...FEMINIST AGENDA! The dreaded...FEMINIST AGENDA! A husband and wife making a cooperative decision about what's best for their family is...FEMINIST AGENDA!

But it's nice to know that we dads who spend time with our children have your approval, Soren--as long as we're not giving in to...FEMINIST AGENDA! I'll sleep easy tonight knowing that you have given my life your blessing. Thanks, Soren, and thank you...FEMINIST AGENDA!

It's funny: a man who discusses with his wife issues that affect them both is emasculated. A man who risks the scorn of idiots and the close-minded by being the primary caregiver to his own children is whipped.

Oy.

This is a great article - and an excellent video clip. The roles of parenting - and in particular fathers - is largely ignored in society. This article brings clarity to the fact that a stay at home father doesn't just have to do the things that a stay at home mother would do - but will bring a decidedly different tact to the raising of a child. Either parent can do a great job raising a child but will do it in different ways that reflect who they are. I can't wait to see the documentary from The Evolution of Dad it should be great.

Q. Where is the other (my) species - the single guy living alone.

I cook, I clean, I decorate, I accessorise, I go shopping for ornaments, I food shop.

I walk through the stores, getting dirty looks from the 99% female shoppers.

Even without children, we guys can be home makers too :-)

People care more about fullfilling traditional roles and being accepted by society than doing what they want to do.

A person like me just doesn't care about other people in general, and really doesn't care about those that are not going to give me any money or perks in life. Being a partial misanthrope allows me to easily disregard others' views and opinions on the basis of wealth, education, attractiveness, resourcesfulness, attitude, and wit. This means that people who are broke, stupid, ugly, lazy, mean, and boring do not matter.

My superficial approach to judging people allows me to live without a great deal of guilt, pride, and shame that many others have. I know that I am not the best person and I am okay with that. I am better than 95% of the rest of the world and that is what counts.

In other words, be yourself.

I've been trying to avoid the at-home or Mr. Mom title because it seems to sell the idea of an ad hoc or amaturish approach. As if doing this mission were a joke, something to not take serious.

I put up in my blog, www.planetdif.com that I'm a Professional or Pro Dad.

I do that so I put the same professional, loving and passionate approach to being a full time father as I would when I ran my own business or when I served in the military. I'm here to perform a mission.

I was so serious about it that last summer I traveled the country alone with my 9-month-old while my wife went through Naval Officer Candidate School.

Up until my boy came along I had zero baby or diaper time. Big change, big commitment, big rewards.

dry heat dave, sure, you can be a homemaker without kids. but typically there's at least a spouse involved. women who live alone and manage the details of their lives alone aren't typically called homemakers, either.

the other david---i like the "professional dad" moniker. we struggled mightily with the headline for the story, settling on what i alone thought was the totally lame "fatherhood 2.0." i myself fought for "the diaper dad." because, you know, that seemed to be the line that old-school dads wouldn't cross and that new-school dads do w/o hesitation.

I find it good to see men attaining to their "softer sides" by allowing a close relationship with their kids. Fathers shouldn't be neglecting the duties of a father [hence changing diapers, playtime etc.]. These things are the best part of being a parent. Minus the diaper changing of course.

for all of you "parents", the stigma just isn't for the gen x group. at 22 and part of the early gen y stigma, i myself have been a quasi parent in my family since my early teens. even now i get side looks from all sorts of people in public. apparently being a guy means i should have no child nuturig intinct whatsoever.

*sigh* a hispanic woman not taking care of her chid, home, and husband just seems so wrong. When I get home at the end of the day I want a warm food filled house, a smiling wife, and a behaved kid. is society really going in this direction? what ever happened to the traditional family? Probably "feminists" whining as usual. blech.

Oh, and to all you "kind, sensitive male feminists" out there. you fail as men. please go get an operation to match your body with your whiny attiude

if you made it to this third post, congratulations. im kidding. its a nice story really. I'm watching to see who replies in rage

WAY TO GO DADS I PRAISE EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU.
MY FIRST HUSBAND NEVER LIFTED A FINGER AND HIS MOTHER THOUGHT THAT WAS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE AND MY DAD WAS A MAN OF OLD TIMES. WHEN THE WIFE STAYED VAT HOME AND TO TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING ELSE,KIDS, HOUSE, YARD, SHOPPING, SCHOOLS AND SOMETIMES A LOT OF THE FARM. MY LIFE WAS AWFUL ON THE FIRST MARRIAGE,I LATER MARRIED AGAIN
THIS TIME I MARRIED A MAN WHO LOVES OUR KIDS AND IS NOT AFRAID TO LET THE WORLD KNOW IT AND HE CAN DO EVERYTHING AROUND THE HOUSE THAT I CAN DO I ALSO GIVE CREDIT TO MY MOTHER-IN-LAW FOR THIS BECAUSE SHE ALWAYS WORKED AND MY FATHER-IN-LAW HELPED OUT AT HOME.THEY TOUGHT MY HUSBAND THAT IT TAKES A REAL MAN TO HELP HIS WIFE AND LOOK AFTER HIS KIDS. IF MORE MEN TAKE THE TIME TO SPEND WITH THEIR KIDS THERE WOULD BE A LOT LESS PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD.REMEMBER OUR KIDS ARE THE NEXT GENERATION TO TAKE CARE OF US.

Fathers need to connect with and care for their children. Whether you are a stay at home dad or simply very involved in your children's lives, they need and want you there.

To all those who think masculinity and delegating the child rearing to your wives makes you a man, you miss out and, sadly, so do your children.

Real men have tea parties and put swing sets together. Those of you who want to appear "masculine", while you're looking at yourself in the mirror, I'll be playing with my kids.

Hooray for dads who raise their children!

Oh MAMMA MIA.

Yes, as a stay at home dad sometimes I feel emasculated...
especially in here in LA...I do not intend to discuss the differences between me and guys my age who managed to be successful in the entertainment business. They have more money...me, in general, from what I see...I am happier! And I do not need to rubsholders with people I do not like! I made a choice, along with my wife...

Testosterone? Yes! Sometimes that is a problem.
I do live with two daughters, a celebrity wife and a 14 years old 8Lb poodle. I AM GROWING OVARIES! But, man what a glorious family I got.

Sorry, but even if it has a few lows (no, nobody ever said that being a father 24/7 is easy), my life could not be better...
Yes more money....
YOUR KIDS DO NOT CARE, HOME IS WHERE YOU ARE. PROVIDE WELL FOR THEM. IT WILL BE FINE.

Please, fathers, come for dinner!!!

Ciao
Gabriele

www.underthetuscangun.com

p.s.
by the way, about the Testosterone problem.
By yourself a Ducati, go to the Gym, Love your wife (buy flowers first), drink a beer with your feet on the table....please...

Kudos for your story on the New Dads. I'm proud to see them getting the media coverage they deserve. I am especially pleased to know your research included John Havens' group "Pop Culture". John is a good friend and neighbor and he writes a quarterly column on parenting entitled "Pater Patter" for my local parenting magazine.

So I was disappointed that your final article didn't specifically mention John and his group by name, nor did it include substantial information about the group's purpose and content. The few quotes from Pop Culture Dads you do use in the first paragraph of the article belie the serious purpose of the group.

John's group is not a pseudo-bowling league; it's not a playgroup with toy guns. In fact, kids are not present at meetings.

John founded Pop Culture to combat the fact that: "Society hasn't made it easy for newly evolved dads to feel manly," as your article so aptly states.

PC Dads recognize and deal with everyday the external and internalized prejudice against men as nurturers. The group exists to encourage men to keep going—to keep being fully participating parents, despite this prejudice.

John's group represents a conscious effort to change the attitudes, actions and accountability of men in The Family, driven by men themselves. It is not reactionary. The group does not exist solely in response to the change in women's status in the world. Rather it exists because men are hungry for a change for themselves.

When John began Pop Culture he envisioned a group similar to the national organization of "Mothers and More," that supports mothers in their changing cultural roles and includes locally based chapters.

It would have been a great service to your readers to explain the real purpose of John's group and to include details about the topics and issues they discuss. Other Dads would perhaps be inspired to start their own chapters and find in them the courage and material support they need to become The New Dads.

Lisa Duggan, Publisher
The MotherHood
http://www.themotherhoodmagazine.com
themotherhood@comcast.net
973-223-0790

Great story. It's about time we stay-at-home dads got some recognition. My wife and I decided along time ago that one fo us would stay home with are two daughters. We could not inagine a nanny raising our children. At first my wife was at home then, when I lost my job we both looked for months and she found a job first. Her skills are more marketable than mine (accounting). So for four years I've been home with my girls. I can't express the joy this has given me. I've experienced things with my girls that I would have never done if I was working. The added bonus is that I've been able to get so much done around the house that I would have never gotten to if I only had the weekebnds to work on projects. You don't have to suck down beers and watch sports to be a man. I could care less what anyone may think of my manhood.

"You don't have to suck down beers and watch sports to be a man. I could care less what anyone may think of my manhood." Bob, you rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (tell your wife to watch her back..just kidding!!)

"Fathers need to connect with and care for their children. Whether you are a stay at home dad or simply very involved in your children's lives, they need and want you there." Thank you, patrick.

To all the dads out there, kudos. It's sad that we even need to have this discussion, since there are men out there who aren't doing what they SHOULD. I guess there will always be that segment of men who think that taking care of their kids (and not financially speaking) is too "soft" or "feminine." THe mere fact that taking care of children is still maligned as being feminine is problematic in and of itself. There is such a negative association with anything feminine that the mere thought of participating in anything that would diminish a man's masculinity (whether real or perceived), is not entertained or received well by some. (**That's a side conversation in and of itself..We still have a long way to go in this misogynistic and patriarchal society--and both sexes are responsible).

Being a parent is genderless. It doesn't make you more like a woman or less of a man. It makes you more of a responsible PARENT.

To the guys that are stuck in the 1940s and 50s wanting a woman who will meet you at the door, go find a time capsule, cause those days are mostly over!! Just kidding..there are still women out there who want to be June Cleaver, but remember Leave It To Beaver was a t.v. show--NOT REAL LIFE. The good old days weren't so good for WOMEN.

Just for the record...

The Time magazine article focuses on gen x and y Mr. Mom, but I'm a boomer Mr. Mom; thank you very much!

I think this is fantastic, the work and life balance is very challenging.
I wish more employers in the US would see the benefit of a happy working family and become more flexible. Middle Class America is hurting economically now more than ever. The 2008 Presidential Election should focus on the working families. I joined the Momsrising.org which also started a Familiesrising.org to get ideas of how I could get involved.