Work in Progress, Worklife, Workplace, TIME

May 7, 2008 10:37

Tough choice for moms: less pay vs. less time

Posted by Lisa Takeuchi Cullen | Comments (9) | Permalink | Trackbacks (0) | Email This

In the Cullen household, Mother's Day is known as Sunday. As in the day Mommy does the laundry, the food-shopping and cooks a big batch of something we eat until we're sick of and throw out the following Sunday. As in the day Daddy plays a matinee and sometimes a concert. Oh, I bet I'll get a funny card or two, and my sisters are plotting a way to get us out for a kid-free lunch. But Sundays are precious in my work-jammed week, and the laundry doesn't do itself.

A new CareerBuilder survey says 43% of working moms would take a pay cut if it meant they could spend more time with their kids. Over a third would be willing to give up 10% or more. And 51% of working moms whose significant other also works say they'd leave their job if the S.O. made enough money to support the entire family.

Me, it's not so simple. It's not so much that I need more face time with my kid and kid-to-be. There's only so long one can keep up one's end of a running metaphysical dialogue on who's more scared of who, the lion or the bear. It's just that I need more time. More time to look at color swatches for my little girl's new room. More time to clear the yard of basset poo. More time to pay bills, sort photos, try out that new recipe for Thai noodles.

CareerBuilder says "more than 25% of working moms are dissatisfied with their work/life balance." It suggests these five steps toward a better balance; the second one might not have occurred to you, while the others seem to presume working moms lack working brain cells (no, really, we're trying not to slow down or share responsibilities).

1. Sell your boss on a more flexible work schedule - Start by contacting your human resources department or consulting the employee manual to determine whether your company has a telecommuting program already in place. If one exists, you can build your proposal on actual policies.

2. Keep one calendar – Unfortunately it's often easier to cancel on your child than on a potential client. Scheduling business and family obligations on the same calendar will lessen your chances of forgetting a
personal commitment when you're planning work activities. It will also help you avoid over-scheduling and alert you if your commitments are unbalanced.

3. Make time for family – Schedule activities for only your family on the weekends and when possible during the week. Also, try to schedule a few minutes each day to call your children to talk about their school day as well as plans for the evening.

4. Slow down - Stop and enjoy the activities and people around you, both inside and outside the office. Whenever possible, schedule time between meetings and leave your evenings free so you can refuel throughout and at the end of each day. Resist the urge to bring too many projects home over the weekends.

5. Share responsibilities - No matter how efficient you are, there is only so much you can accomplish in one day. If you're a manager, make sure that you are delegating appropriately instead of trying to do everything yourself. Doing so will reduce your workload and help your staff build their skills.

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Reader Comments (9)

Lulu Lulu:

My favorite is always #3. Every, every, every self-help list includes make time for someone--make time for yourself, your kids, your spouse, your aging parents. Tell me, where exactly does one "make" time? Like, a factory?

Also, I wonder if anyone's done a study on the amount of "man"hours it takes to run a household. Like, basic start-to-finish day, doing everything that needs to be done without interruption or problems. I bet the results would be fascinating and might even be used to propel flextime policy or day-care legislation.

Posted by Lulu Lulu | May 7, 2008 1:17 PM

Lulu Lulu:

Posted by Lulu Lulu | May 7, 2008 1:18 PM

JB:

Interesting. Couldn't see the survey from the link, then got searching for a new job....

Anyway, would like to know what % of dads would take a pay cut if it meant more time with the kids/family. (For that matter, would like to see what % of dads would take a pay cut if it meant LESS time with kids!!)

The list above is pretty good. #1 is something that people might have less influence over, particularly if their employer is into face time rather than work achieved. But the rest seem to be within an individual's control.

One other thing that's not on here is to continue to take care of yourself. Schedule exercise, lunch with friends, therapy, a manicure--whatever floats your boat--and put it right into your calendar just like any other appointment. Oftentimes, moms don't take care of themselves b/c they're too busy taking care of others and nobody notices til they burn out or get really, really sick. It's happened to me and too many of my mom friends to count, and I think a big reason is that we don't take proper care of ourselves.

Posted by JB | May 7, 2008 2:13 PM

Lisa Takeuchi Cullen

jb: actually, plenty of dads say they'd take more time with their family over a raise or a promotion. check out the story i wrote w/my colleague lev grossman on dads:
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1668449-1,00.html

Posted by Lisa Takeuchi Cullen | May 7, 2008 2:26 PM

JB:

Thanks for the link. I do think that men of my generation (x) are more involved--maybe, as your article says, they have to be b/c of the # of women in the workforce now.

I think they like it--maybe even seek it out. My own husband bounced around a few companies before settling at one that encourages normal hours, has minimal travel and allows him to be home for dinner each night. We share much of the child-rearing duties, and I think our kids are better off because of it.

Posted by JB | May 7, 2008 2:53 PM

Prklypear:

Every Sunday is Mother's Day! As in, the day working mothers do all the 'mother' stuff, like grocery shopping, laundry and cooking meals for the week ahead. I work full time and have a part time job on Saturdays, yet it still seems to be my 'job' to spend Sunday shopping, cleaning and cooking. So in effect, I work 7 days a week. Tell me where I can 'make time' for anything other than sleep. Who makes these rules, anyway?

Posted by Prklypear | May 7, 2008 4:21 PM

Joyce Maroney:

I'd add another guideline to the rule above; i.e. get comfortable with "good enough". I've been a mother (of 2) for over 20 years. I've worked full time throughout those years, and have managed to advance in my career to a senior management level. "Good enough" doesn't mean poor quality at home or at work, it means giving yourself a break and understanding that you'll constantly be evaluating the ROI on your finite available time.

The balance will constantly shift between work and life depending on what's happening in either realm, and there is no perfect formula. Sometimes you'll miss the school play in order to satisfy the unhappy customer, sometimes you'll miss the opportunity to be involved in the important project at work because your child or elderly parent needs you.

Good enough also means delegating and outsourcing - and accepting that your way isn't the only way to meet an objective at home or at work. Store bought cookies for the class party are fine, and if you're subordinate isn't as good at a job as you are, then help them become better.

You can have it all - maybe just not all at once.

Joyce Maroney
www.workforceinstitute.org

Posted by Joyce Maroney | May 8, 2008 12:39 PM

Anne Witkavitch:

I'm a big proponent of #2! I used to consult for a company that trained people to put everything on one calendar. I even suggested to people to use color codes so they wouldn't forget picking up their kids or missing kindergarten graduation.

A great tip I use in Outlook is to put a recurring appointment to drop kids at the bus and pick them up. Not only does it prevent me from forgetting to walk up to the corner when I'm absorbed in a project, but the reminder really helps when I need to schedule appointments. I can manage the time more easily, and make decisions about when to do what more successfully.

Anne

Posted by Anne Witkavitch | May 9, 2008 1:26 PM

Grad Student Life:

When I started grad school, I was all about school. It absorbed my life. About 6 months in, I realized I was alienating friends and my husband. I started slowing down. I do what I need to get by, put everything in Outlook, and attempt to have a flexible schedule. It's not perfect, but at least I have dinner with my husband. Though, if I were a mom, I'd definitely pick working less for less money if it meant that I didn't miss those special things in a child's life. Even though my mom work weekends, she was always at my week night soccer games, and Sunday afternoons were mommy and me time, no matter what. I'd like to give that to my kids.

Posted by Grad Student Life | May 12, 2008 10:31 AM

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Lisa Takeuchi Cullen is a staff writer for TIME. She blogs about work. Why? Because TV was taken. Think of her as the grumpy colleague ranting by the water cooler.
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